What am I about to do?
Do I want it?
Do I have a thirst for it?
My mind says no
But my body tells a different story
Just the thought of it sends me in a frenzy
I mustn’t, but I think I will
I know it’s wrong
Yet, I am unable to stop yearning for it, unable to resist
Lord help me
I want to feel it
I want to experience it once more
I want to live that sensation
To feel it over and over again
To feel my blood rushing out of my veins
To feel and taste the heat
Like a mad ocean hitting the peaceful shore
My body and mind are constantly at war
I want to give them both what they seek
Bu no common ground can be reached
Their arguments go back and forth
Restlessly, without pity
I am torn between “I shouldn’t and I should”
Who will win?
Can’t ya be neutral?
My deeper conscience asks
But both shout NO
My body is betraying me
My mind is trying to reinforce the barrier
Neutrality is not an option
I must do what’s right
But… what is right?
Claire Bijou, Port-au-Prince 12/27/2014
Note: Claire Bijou is poet and essayist. She lives and works in suburban Port-au-Prince. You can read part of her collection by going to our section: Poetry and Literature
