By Gyna Jean-Pierre
CSMS Magazine
Experts say don’t make mountain out of molehills or get worked up over things that happened in the past. Resist googling the women he’s been with if you are curious about them. Don’t keep pictures or mementos of your exes around, either. When you go from dating someone to being in a relationship with him, you don’t have to rid of these things permanently, or expect him to, either. However, you should at least put them somewhere he won’t find them—and he should do the same for you.
Often, if a woman even sees a picture of a girl he was with before her, her mind will spin. She will start questioning whether the ex is prettier or skinnier, or has better clothes, hair, style, etc. Even bothering to think about your guy and his ex could completely derail your relationship. Don’t compare yourself to her. He’s not with her anymore. He’s with you. Be confident and respect the history they share just as you would hope he would do for you.
Each individual has his own tolerance level when it comes to exes, so know your limits and understand that dealing with exes is sexually before anything else. It has to do with virility, potency, and pride. The doors swings both ways, and he’ll go through emotions similar to the ones you experience.
In general, concerning yourself with an ex is never a good idea, so don’t talk about yours or his when dating, or even once in a relationship. Even couples who are happily married don’t want to hear about their partners’ pasts. It’s important for the other person to feel you’re emotionally detached from anyone in your past. He should never questions whether you might go with your ex. He needs to know there is no chance of reconciliation with anyone you were with.
When it comes to ex-spouses, former mates, and any lasting ties you might share, such as children, alimony, property settlements, etc., these matters must be manageable, tolerable, and under control. Remind him that you’re with him now, and the past is the past.
