By Bobbie Hart O’Neill CSMS Magazine Staff writer Attention – You Are Not Alone!!! This is directed to the families of “speed freaks” who have been humiliated, traumatized, abused, and physically threatened by the bizarre actions of their “meth abusers”. We all know what happens when they are high on “speed”. They go absolutely bonkers, but are you aware of what happens to us – their victims. I know what has happened to me. I feel ashamed of myself and guilty at the same time because my 46 year old son is a speed freak. He was straight for seven years and I was so proud of him until he got in with the wrong bunch at work. When he started using again, I could see the destructive personality changes resurface. I began to alienate my self from my friends. I didn’t want them at the house to see what he had become. I stopped going to my club meetings when I discovered he was pawning my precious Indian jewelry to support his lousy habit. I became a hermit. I knew he was stealing from everyone around him and lying about his every action, but I don’t have to tell you victims about this, you already know. I felt so worthless and helpless, I was contemplating suicide but with my streak of bad luck, I’d end up botching the job and spending the rest of my life in a nursing home. Things seemed to be getting worse every day. On a whim, I decided to call a writer friend of mine, yesterday, who I knew had a son in prison for drug abuse. Luckily she was home! We began to compare notes on our lives. I discovered she was going through exactly through the same feelings of depression, hopelessness, and despair I was enduring. Her son is the same age as mine and is also a meth abuser. We compared anecdotes of their bizarre behavior patterns and they are whoppers! Like the time last summer when my junked-up son was in our backyard naked as a jay bird shouting obscenities at the two men trimming trees and shrubs about how they were “disrespecting” him. I was cringing in sheer embarrassment and at that moment, wished I were dead. He kept ranting and raving so I told him to shut the hell up that someone was going to call the cops. When he didn’t stop the verbal abuse, I pushed him in the swimming pool and fled into the house. The more my friend and I discussed our situations, the more we realized we are not alone. How many thousands of people are out there are undergoing the same feelings of guilt, frustration and humiliation? The question made us decide to write a “tell it like it is” book on living with a Jekyll – Hyde personality. That’s what these speed freaks become: Normal people who eventually turn into monsters as a result of their addiction. Where to begin? I decided to write this piece to post on Useless-Knowledge. I don’t know of a better site to begin our crusade in making people understand they are not alone with their feelings of guilt and frustration about a family member’s addiction. People from all over the globe log onto Useless-Knowledge. I get responses from them on my “Native Unity” site. In fact, got one tonight about an article I posted two years ago. So – If you readers have any experiences you would like to share on the topic and want to participate in the writing project. This is firstname.lastname@example.org. BTW – When he is high, my son assumes a born-again, “God-like” stature. You ought to hear the one about how he was going to make a “Christian” out of me after I was released from the hospital with a hip replacement. The cops were not impressed! Where is he right now? Back in prison for a too short, year-long term. Bobbie Hart O’Neill is a retired print media journalist with 40 years experience in the field. She has worked as a reporter, feature writer, columnist, public relations writer, magazine/newsletter editor and publisher.