Screaming is what I heard
Then yelling, cursing and the crashing of objects
It’s like that almost every day
When they are not fighting
It becomes a tense atmosphere
There’s rarely a happy moment
I don’t ever remember seeing my parents laughing
Nor do I remember ever spending a fun time with them
Nor do I ever remember a time of true peace
There’s always this wait, more like a combat stance
Waiting and waiting till that little drop falls and break the glass
Or more like exploding the glass
I watched them every day
But I could never come up with a reason why
Why couldn’t mommy and daddy get along?
Why couldn’t they love each other like I see in the movies?
Why didn’t they shield me from the endless, protracted fights?
I am always scared to approach
Never knowing what their reaction will be
I cry every night, I am always scared
I never know when things will get worse
I wish I were born into another family
Why didn’t I?
They say GOD loves every one
Dear GOD don’t you love me?
If you do, why didn’t you give me a loving family instead?
Is it my fault they are fighting?
Am I to blame?
I wish I were never born
So that I didn’t have to see this nightmare
I wish so many things
If you love me dear GOD
Please, show me your love.
More crashing can be heard
I hide away in my room
Trying to play with my toys
But with all the yelling
I simply curl on my bed
And wish it all to end
Poor mommy and poor daddy
If love is such a dreaded endeavor
Then, I don’t want to fall in love
I cry endlessly
But my cry has fallen into deaf ears
Too focused on hating each other to see their child’s pain
Too consumed in their long-drawn-out bickering to give me love
I am not asking for much
For all I want in my childish eyes and heart is to see and feel love.
Claire Bijou, Port-au-Prince 1/26/2014
Note: Claire Bijou is poet and essayist. She lives and works in suburban Port-au-Prince. You can read part of her collection by going to our section: Poetry and Literature
