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Tuesday, March 21, 2023

My childish eyes and heart

Sad child on stairsScreaming is what I heard

Then yelling, cursing and the crashing of objects

It’s like that almost every day

When they are not fighting

It becomes a tense atmosphere

There’s rarely a happy moment

I don’t ever remember seeing my parents laughing

Nor do I remember ever spending a fun time with them

Nor do I ever remember a time of true peace

There’s always this wait, more like a combat stance

Waiting and waiting till that little drop falls and break the glass

Or more like exploding the glass

I watched them every day

But I could never come up with a reason why

Why couldn’t mommy and daddy get along?

Why couldn’t they love each other like I see in the movies?

Why didn’t they shield me from the endless, protracted fights?

I am always scared to approach

Never knowing what their reaction will be

I cry every night, I am always scared

I never know when things will get worse

I wish I were born into another family

Why didn’t I?

They say GOD loves every one

Dear GOD don’t you love me?

If you do, why didn’t you give me a loving family instead?

Is it my fault they are fighting?

Am I to blame?

I wish I were never born

So that I didn’t have to see this nightmare

I wish so many things

If you love me dear GOD

Please, show me your love.

More crashing can be heard

I hide away in my room

Trying to play with my toys

But with all the yelling

I simply curl on my bed

And wish it all to end

Poor mommy and poor daddy

If love is such a dreaded endeavor

Then, I don’t want to fall in love

I cry endlessly

But my cry has fallen into deaf ears

Too focused on hating each other to see their child’s pain

Too consumed in their long-drawn-out bickering to give me love

I am not asking for much

For all I want in my childish eyes and heart is to see and feel love.

Claire Bijou, Port-au-Prince 1/26/2014

NoteClaire Bijou is poet and essayist. She lives and works in suburban Port-au-Prince. You can read part of her collection by going to our section: Poetry and Literature

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