Rashmi Bora Das
Special to CSMS Magazine
The better half was asked to guess my password as I was trying to get into an account. In two tries, he got the right one.
“How did you hit the bullseye?” I asked.
“Because you keep the obvious ones,” came the blunt reply. He was not at all happy with my lack of smartness.
Spouses wait for the moment to give their valuable two cents, and so did mine. I was given all sorts of suggestions on how to maximize the complexity of my passwords so that they would be harder to crack.
I followed his advice at the cost of putting a big strain on my memory. These days, I often have to reset my passwords, and this usually happens when I am in a hurry to log into an account to get some information. So therein the conflict lies: choosing between the easy to remember but vulnerable password and the tough but nerve-wracking one that rarely stays in the mind. This or that: which way do I go?
We can’t be free of conflicts!
The password incident just came to my mind out of the blue, but it’s a fact that it is not easy to get a clear-cut answer for a whole bunch of things. Even the mundane day-to-day matters put us in a confusion, let alone the major issues where we have to make a decision. Conflicts and contradictions are deeply rooted in us, the human species. At times we really do not know what others expect of us nor how we would want them to act or behave with us. Growing older every year does not necessarily make us wiser at acing social interactions.
A bitter truth stands firm: it is really hard to make people happy. For instance, punctuality is a habit universally praised, yet you may be the villain after having religiously practiced that virtue. A friend once sadly shared the effect of arriving at the time mentioned on an invitation. She got to hear something unpleasant from the grapevine. There was this unhappy host who complained that early-arriving guests made her hurry and did not allow her to dress the way she wanted. Perhaps the same person would have had lots to say if the invitees kept her waiting.
Honesty is the best policy, yet you need to be cautious
Speaking the truth, you may have ended up being disliked. It does not matter whether you wish well for someone because you may run the risk of your words being misinterpreted.
Sometimes people get upset if they do not hear from you what they want to hear even though it may not be the truth. The distinction between a people-pleaser and an honest well-wisher is not understood.
Do tears say it all?
We are expected to be strong and face family crises or unfortunate events with dignity and grace. Yet when someone does not openly show his or her emotions in an unhappy situation, that individual is judged as being indifferent. So one point of view contradicts the other.
The shift in social norms
We grew up in a society where privacy was valued. Asking someone too many personal questions was deemed as being intrusive or nosy. Social media these days has obscured those boundaries.
Some people share almost everything happening in their lives. That is their choice, and they have a right to do so. Someone may not be interested in participating in this social media fad for some reason, but he or she may earn the title of being aloof or rude.
Parenting with conflicts!
Do we sometimes know what we really want our children to be? We wish for them to be independent and to be able to stand on their feet, yet we miss the times when they depended upon us for everything.
The younger man in my house can hardly find things in his bedroom. And here he comes in, seeking my help to hunt something he has misplaced and is desperately searching for.
“When will you grow up?” I snap.
Pat comes his long response: “Make up your mind Mama! You can’t have the cake and eat it too! How come you want me to grow up when you are upset, and then in a different moment, you miss my childhood, cooing about wanting that little boy back?”
Aah, another contradiction for sure! A sweet one though!!!
Note: Rashmi Bora Das is a freelance writer settled in the suburbs of Atlanta, GA. She is the author of From Life’s Cove: Laughs, Musings, & More. You may visit her at www.rashmiwrites.com)
