By Gyna Jean-Pierre
CSMS Magazine
My mother always told me, “You’ll never know until you have kids of own one day,” and I’ve always respected that. If you don’t have kids and are with someone who does, remember that his children are his commitment. If he has children and you disagree with how he raises them sometimes, or how his ex handles them, keep your opinions to yourself unless the child seems to be in danger. When you are developing a relationship with someone, it is not the time to criticize his parenting skills, but it is good time to discuss how you feel about kids of your own.
Do you like kids, love them, simply tolerate them, or can’t stand them? Is he the guy to start a family with if you don’t like the way he is raising the kids? Once again, this is an issue where the door swings both ways. You may be a single mom starting to develop a relationship with someone who doesn’t have children.
In this case it’s very important to let a man know that although your children are your first priority, a very close second is to be in a healthy, happy relationship. Make sure you let him know that you have support from people around you so that you can still do things like a romantic getaway or three-day weekend or, at the very least, an occasional overnight somewhere. Men need to know they are important to you. They have to feel both wanted and needed. Be sure you’re mindful of this if there are kids in the picture.
For example, if your child get sick and you have to cancel your date, or if your child got in trouble at school and you need to be home to discipline him, the man know that you’ll want to make it up to him and that you actually do have the time to be in a relationship. This also goes for any obligations or priorities that may impede a relationship such as career, family, community service, charity work, volunteering, extracurricular activities, travel, etc.
Note: Gyna Jean-Pierre is a creative writer. She is the author of several essays on women in the Caribbean. She lives in Ponte Vedra, Florida.
